Brittanie vs the giant black jumping spider

So, as most of you know, I have serious spider issues. But I don't think I had actually qualified it in my own mind as a real phobia until today.

I was sitting at the computer, chatting with my dad, when a huge black spider JUMPED onto the side of the monitor, eventually crawling to the back of it. I VERY QUICKLY put Patrick, whom I had been holding on my lap, into his swing across the room.

This spider was seriously too big to squish, so I decided to go the catch-it-in-a-cup-and-throw-it-off-the-side-of-the-patio route. Saved me from actually killing the spider, which has the added benefit of no chance of being haunted by spider ghosties.

So I went and grabbed a cup, and then turned the monitor a little to see if I could reach the thing. It turned around and was watching me malevolently with its turquoise eyes ((shudder)). My hands started to shake. I sat watching it for several minutes. Neither of us moved, until I guess it finally decided I had lost my nerve and wanted to go on its merry way. I took a deep breath and tried to catch it. I didn't, but I did somehow knock of it's hind-end. The rest of the head-and-legs took off.

I had no clue where.

I gingerly sat back down at the computer, knowing there was no way it could survive long, when it peeked out from behind some of the stuff on the desk, again sitting and watching me.

Hands are shaking so bad I can't type, but I'm still managing to freak out via IM at my dad, who is very calmly talking me through finishing the thing off. He said get a broom handle. I did, and when I came back, the thing had flipped over, legs curled.

Good, Dad says. It's dead. No, my brain says. I don't ever believe spiders are dead when they're curled. I've had spiders UNcurl and run at me before. (hence the spider ghosties fear) I watch it for a couple of minutes and there is nary a twitch...but the broom would be knocking stuff off the desk and such, so I go for the vacuum.

After a couple adjustments, said spider is safely sucked up.


An hour later, I think my heart rate is mostly back to normal.