Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Splash Park and Mac&Cheese


Sometimes I can't help but let my mind wander while watching Erin, and wonder what Cora would have been like. What my life would be like. I sort of ignore the fact that if Cora had lived I probably wouldn't have Erin. It wouldn't be a physical impossibility anyway, as Cora was full term. I wonder what the interactions between Cora and Erin would be like. How Cora would like Patrick. Would Cora have been more adventurous than Erin has a tendency to be? So as I sat watching Erin wade around in the water, I had a picture in my mind of her holding her sister's hand. A curly-haired redhead helping the straight-haired blonde over the rocks. The two of them splashing each other. These imaginings are no longer accompanied by gut-wrenching grief. They're more wistfully sad. And hopeful, too, knowing that Erin and Patrick will know their sister one day. Knowing that I'll get to hold her in my arms again, and watch her grow. And it will be a million times better than anything I could possibly imagine. So, for now I am mostly content. Happy with the chance I have to have Erin and Patrick in my life. And watch Erin chow down so single-mindedly on her mac&cheese, and just laugh. And take a million pictures so I don't forget a moment.

1 comment:

Aubri said...

I love you. :-) I love that you share your thoughts....