Saturday, March 28, 2009

Don't worry!

Recently there was concern expressed about the fact that Cora has come up so often lately, and whether or not I am suffering from depression. Along with a plea for you not to worry about me, I'd like to say a couple of things.

A) I am not ever going to be "over it." In coversations with my grandmothers, both of whom lost a child, I have learned that fact. I have also learned through personal experience it's possible to come to peace the fact that she's gone. I KNOW I'll get her back. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss her every day.

B) Start worrying when I don't talk about Cora. Talking about her is cathartic for me. It reminds me that she is real and she is part of my life. I no longer cry every day, but I DO talk about her. She's as real to me as both Erin and Patrick are.

C) Having a new baby around reminds me of what I missed out on. It's not as hard this time around as it was with Erin, but I am reminded that I didn't get to nurse her, or see her eyes, or watch her smile or hear her coo. And I'm dealing with that.

So I think I'm doing well. I'm getting out of bed every day (completely exhausted at times, but I DO get out of bed) and most days I get a shower. Most days I get out of the apartment and go somewhere, even if it's only down to the mailbox. I am enjoying my children, and laughing and rejoicing in them. So please don't worry about me.


HRHSpence said...

Maybe it's this PUBLIC venue that is making people think that you're so depressed.

Perhaps you should reserve this place your thoughts on your activities during the day and put your thoughts on Cora in a more private place? If you have one though to share for a whole day and it's about Cora, we'll think that all you are thinking about that day.

Kari said...

I think you're doing incredibly! I can't imagine that anyone could ever get over the death of a child. And I love that you talk about her. I know that people deal with things differently, but I find it disconcerting when people don't talk about someone after they die.

lilgully said...

I totally understand, hon. I love talking about PJ, and I think it has helped me to heal so much.

If talking about your baby whenever you want, whereever you want isn't a part of the Mourner's Bill of Rights, it should be.

I'm glad that you and your bebes are doing well :)

Thank you for being there for me <3

Dragonfly Girl said...

I am so glad that it is cathartic to talk about Cora I wouldn't want to let go of such a sweet spirit either! I love you and your Babies!