Recently there was concern expressed about the fact that Cora has come up so often lately, and whether or not I am suffering from depression. Along with a plea for you not to worry about me, I'd like to say a couple of things.
A) I am not ever going to be "over it." In coversations with my grandmothers, both of whom lost a child, I have learned that fact. I have also learned through personal experience it's possible to come to peace the fact that she's gone. I KNOW I'll get her back. But that doesn't mean that I don't miss her every day.
B) Start worrying when I don't talk about Cora. Talking about her is cathartic for me. It reminds me that she is real and she is part of my life. I no longer cry every day, but I DO talk about her. She's as real to me as both Erin and Patrick are.
C) Having a new baby around reminds me of what I missed out on. It's not as hard this time around as it was with Erin, but I am reminded that I didn't get to nurse her, or see her eyes, or watch her smile or hear her coo. And I'm dealing with that.
So I think I'm doing well. I'm getting out of bed every day (completely exhausted at times, but I DO get out of bed) and most days I get a shower. Most days I get out of the apartment and go somewhere, even if it's only down to the mailbox. I am enjoying my children, and laughing and rejoicing in them. So please don't worry about me.
Doing better—on average.
22 hours ago