Recently I've been feeling kind of depressed because I realized that we have nothing big happening this year. Since we got engaged, we always have had something big to plan for: our wedding in 2005, Cora's birth in 2006, Erin's birth in 2007, Matt's internship and graduation in 2008, moving to Denver and Patrick's birth in 2009. But this year looks to be exactly the same. I was really frustrated, and a little depressed, and I started praying for help. In thinking about it, I realized that I as falling into old patterns again. A bad habit I thought I conqured was resurfacing: living in the future. In high school, I told myself life would be better once I graduated. While single I told myself life would be better once I got married. While pregnant with Cora I told myself life would be better once the baby was born.
And of course with that last one, the future that I was anticipating never came.
I realized that when we're done having babies and we've bought a house, what comes next? Once we've done all the big life events, what is there left other than just living every day? So I need to learn to do that now.
So that's my main goal for this year: truly learn to live each day and savor it. As Master Oogway says on Kung Fu Panda: "You are too concerned with what was and what will be. As they say, the past is history, the future a mystery, but today is a gift. That's why it's called the present."
I love how Erin has started to pose for the camera. She always wants to be involved in pictures. When I take a picture of Patrick she'll say "Ewwin in pitoh too? Pitoh of Ewwin! Smayoh!"
I have no idea how Erin really compares with kids her age, but she's always surprising me with just how smart she is.