Wednesday, April 22, 2009

What did I do to deserve this?

Okay, so this isn't really a sad post. Not for me anyway. As I've mentioned before, I belong to a stillbirth support forum. We are very close on the board, as I think you can imagine. Lately, we've had a pregnancy boom, and it's been very exciting.

But today has been devastating. We've had two losses, and for some reason it's really hitting me hard. One is Natalie. Her Devin (whom she conceived via IVF) was stillborn last March at 36 weeks. After 2 more failed IVF attempts, she got pregnant though FET (frozen embryo transfer). Today she found out it's ectopic. She's having surgery to remove her right fallopian tube this afternoon.

The second is Heather. She lost her Marshall last March too, at nearly 20 weeks. She's nearly 20 weeks now, and today found out her baby has anencephaly (note, if you click on the anencephaly link...there are pictures). She now has to make the heartbreaking decision of whether to terminate the pregnancy now, or wait until the baby dies on its own. I can't imagine how heartbreaking that decision must be.

So...why do I deserve to have two flawless pregnancies after Cora? How do I deserve to get pregnant so easily? What did I do to become so blessed?

How can the world be that unfair?


Anonymous said...

That's such a tough question... I don't think that Heavenly Father doles out healthy or unhealthy babies, easy pregnancies or rough ones, ability to concieve, or not conceive based on our merits. I think it's really hard for him to put us, His precious babies, through the loss of our own precious babies. Or the lack of a precious baby... or the crippling want and desire of a precious baby we may never be able to have.

All I have to say is that I'm so glad I'm not in His position... aside from the whole total responsibillity for the universe/ultimate judge thing, I'm really gald I don't have to watch millions of my children suffer. I couldn't take it.

HRHSpence said...

it's to show the world his will and his grace. How you, a righteous woman handle this difficult situation will preach more sermons that the tongue could.

Rylie said...

That is my biggest fear is that something will happen with this baby. All we can do is hope and pray that we will make it though. I know that the Lord only gives us what we can handle, but it seems unbearable sometimes. I am so grateful the Lord gave us a way to connect, so that we can have hope for our future.