Friday, January 30, 2009

Thinking for a bit

So, I have realized lately just how much this pregnancy is mimicking my pregnancy with Cora. I find my thoughts dwelling on her more, and what she would be like. I've been thinking about how much my grief has changed in the last 2 years and 9 months.

I still miss her terribly, but now I can remember with a sweet sad smile instead of the aching knifing grief. One of my most vivid memories is of sitting in the bathtub because my lower back was KILLING me and just watching my belly move. I was in awe. I still am, actually. I don't think it'll ever cease to amaze me.

So, I spent the day with Danica, and her son Jensen is a week younger than Cora would have been. I found myself watching him and just wondering, what would she be like? Would she still have her curly red hair, or would it have fallen out like Adrienne's?

Would she be the stubborn girl I thought she'd be?

I know I will get to know her someday, and for now I'm content to wait, but...I miss her.

Of course, I probably wouldn't have Erin if she had stayed, so I no longer wish that she could be here. I'll get Cora back one day. I know this. And I'm so grateful that I do.


Natalie.Rob.Branson said...

Brittany, thank you so much for your comment on my blog...thank you for reaching out in love to a stranger :) I am so sorry about your little Cora. I can imagine with your pregnancies and watching other children her age that you miss her and await the day that you'll be with her again. Your story gives me hope, hope that we too will be blessed with other children. We can't wait to meet Branson's brothers and sisters and tell them all about their older brother...I'm sure he's up there making preparations to get them sent to us!
Good luck with your pregnancy...and as I'm sure you do, enjoy every moment of it! I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers as the last few weeks draw near.
Sending lots of love your way!
Branson's Mommy Natalie

Aubri said...

I cried a little, but it was a happy tear. You are such a wonderful everything... I miss you tons, but this post brought me some happy.