The worst part of early pregnancy is I have no concrete proof all this nausea and fatigue and throwing up are really anything more than a superflu. Especially before the first ultrasound. After an ultrasound there's a picture that I can look at to remind myself there really is a baby in there and that's worth losing my lunch for. Right now...I'm just sick. And on top of it, I have Erin, so I CAN'T just lay on the couch and be miserable. I HAVE to get up and feed her and play with her and change her dirty diapers (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG).
I've lost 2 lbs already. Not from throwing up really (I only started yesterday after all), but just from every possible meal sounding horrid.
I'm completely terrified of Matt leaving for his internship again. I will be completely *alone* for at least 6 weeks. And this time I'm puking. The hard part for me is, I WANT to be able to do the normal wife/mother/homemaker things. I NEED to be able to take care of myself and my child, so it's so hard for me to ask for help from anyone outside my small family. Asking Matt to do something isn't nearly as....awkward...as asking my neighbor. Admitting that I'm not up to the task of my responsibility.
It's silly, I know, but I really like being able to be independent and do things for myself. I have a feeling that I'll get to the point where circumstances just won't let me.
This is so unfair for Erin. She needs at least one parent who can pay attention to her, and with Matt leaving in not quite two weeks for another state, that has to be me. And I hate feeling like I just can't do it.