Thursday, July 10, 2008

My hardest day so far.

The worst part of early pregnancy is I have no concrete proof all this nausea and fatigue and throwing up are really anything more than a superflu. Especially before the first ultrasound. After an ultrasound there's a picture that I can look at to remind myself there really is a baby in there and that's worth losing my lunch for. Right now...I'm just sick. And on top of it, I have Erin, so I CAN'T just lay on the couch and be miserable. I HAVE to get up and feed her and play with her and change her dirty diapers (GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG).

I've lost 2 lbs already. Not from throwing up really (I only started yesterday after all), but just from every possible meal sounding horrid.

I'm completely terrified of Matt leaving for his internship again. I will be completely *alone* for at least 6 weeks. And this time I'm puking. The hard part for me is, I WANT to be able to do the normal wife/mother/homemaker things. I NEED to be able to take care of myself and my child, so it's so hard for me to ask for help from anyone outside my small family. Asking Matt to do something isn't nearly asking my neighbor. Admitting that I'm not up to the task of my responsibility.

It's silly, I know, but I really like being able to be independent and do things for myself. I have a feeling that I'll get to the point where circumstances just won't let me.

This is so unfair for Erin. She needs at least one parent who can pay attention to her, and with Matt leaving in not quite two weeks for another state, that has to be me. And I hate feeling like I just can't do it.


Amber Donaldson said...

Sounds like it's time to call on your visiting teachers! Or people that you know to come and help! I'm sure that they would be willing. I would help if I were there! If you don't know your visiting teachers you could always talk to the RS president. Everyone that has a kid has been at the point you are right now. Something I learned, if you don't like a smell find one that you can stand (like a body spray) and spray it on your shirt or just the smell of your laundry soap on your shirt will work, just smell your shirt everytime you smell somthing unpleasant. Good Luck! Love ya, Amber

Telima said...

Oh, Brittanie, I'm so sorry. I wish I could come help you while Matt is away. You'll make it, though. If there's one thing I've learned by being a mom and watching other moms is if it's required of you, you do it. Not because you have the strength or the desire, but because you don't have a choice. It'll be okay. Call me when you feel like you can't take it anymore. Remember that we love you!

The Fergi Fam said...

Ok you don't know me...I'm Amber Donalson's sister-in-law and I saw the title of your post on her blog and had to read it. I'm in your same position right now. I have a 14 month old son and I'm 27 weeks pregnant. Don't worry it does get better!! Just don't let it get to you and don't forget to pray for strength. We moms are made of tough stuff! :)Of course we have good days and bad but the good ones are more frequent. You'll be fine! Good luck! :)

suzanne said...

I'm sorry. I hope it will pass soon. I hate feeling like you can't even function. I hope that you have good neighbors who are willing to step in and help.

sweetpea#1 said...

I feel you! Food is YUCKY lol. I learned what you are feeling during my pregnancy with Grace and Melody was about 14 months old when the fatigue and illness kicked in. AND Darryl went out to sea for four months. He came home when I was 37 weeks pregnant. I completely and wholly understand what you are feeling. Erin is built to go through this with you, I promise. Children are exquisitly made for these exact situations. You can always call me, LaNae