So, it's been a hard couple of days for me. Yesterday they announced that a lady in my ward lost her baby. She would have been due in January. It always hurts for me to hear things like that. I hurt for her, I hurt for me. You can say what you want about my support forums, at least I expect it there. It's like, my grief is there, in the virtual little room. I go there to visit it, to remember that she was real, but I'm not exposed to it in my day-to-day doings. So to hear it when I wasn't expecting it, to see it on the other side of it. Ugh, it just hurt. I bought her this beautiful card today. I need to write a message in it (what in the world to I say?? I think it's harder for me now because I know that there ARE no words), and get it in the mail.
So then this morning I was talking to my old roommate LaNae. We'd been talking about people we lived with over the course of that year, and we went on a mission to find Marisa. So that left Alice.
Well, Alice was diagnosed with Crohn's disease while she lived with us. Second semester she moved to a different apartment, and after that she had to move home because she was so sick. I found out from LaNae this morning that Alice passed away winter of 2002, just a year after she got sick.
It just breaks my heart. I have to say Alice and I didn't get along too well. I had a lot of emotional issues going on and I was very self absorbed at that time, and, well, Alice was sick and couldn't be patient with me, nor I her.
I don't have any pictures in my scrapbook. My memories are vague and colored with my own depression and anxiety that was out of control at the time.
And right now I just regret so much missed opportunities to know a wonderful person.
I regret the inability to say I'm sorry, and to be forgiven for hard feelings that were probably unjustified.
(I was going to post some pictures too, but I can't find the card reader, so that will have to come later)
Another surgery….
5 months ago
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